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When actor Suniel Shetty recently shared his thoughts on marriage and parenting in an interview, his comments ignited a wave of backlash online.
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Speaking to Pinkvilla, he said, “Shaadi kya chiz hai mujhe samajh mein hi nahi aata. Bachhon mein patience hai hi nahi. Shaadi kuch time ke baad ek samjhauta hota hai (I don’t understand what marriage is anymore. Kids these days have no patience. Marriage is a compromise after some time), where you have to understand each other, and live for each other. Uske baad ek bacha aata hai, aur patni ko yeh jaan na zaruri hai ki husband career banayega toh bachhe ko main dekh rahi hoon (Then comes a child, and the wife needs to know that if the husband makes a career, I will take care of the kids). Husband, of course, saath mein dekhega hi. Aaj kal sab cheez mein pressure bohot ho gaya hai, kyuki gyaan dene wale bohot log hain. (The husband will, of course, look after them together, but there is a lot of pressure in everything these days, because there are a lot of people to give you unsolicited advice).”
He added, “I think experience se hum seekhe toh better hota hai (if we learn, it is better) – from the mother, from the naani, from the daadi, the sister, the in-laws. I think woh cheez bohot maine rakhta hai (That is very important, I think).”
His remarks, suggesting that the wife should take primary responsibility for raising a child so that her husband can focus on his career, drew strong criticism on social media platforms. Many netizens didn’t hold back. While some called his mindset outdated and “typical of Indian uncles,” others described it as outright misogynistic.
One Reddit user commented, “Honestly, guys why are you surprised. He is not exactly speaking for our generation. He is 65, literally grandparents ka generation.” Another wrote, “So he’s a typical misogynist,” while one user remarked, “I’m a hard-core feminist. Yeah, he’s imagining a world where husband is the one working, and life can continue on a single income. But there’s nothing intentionally sexist about it.”
Why is it problematic to assume that a woman should automatically take on the primary role of raising a child so her partner can focus on building a career?
Neha Parashar, clinical psychologist, Mindtalk, tells indianexpress.com, “This assumption stems from deeply entrenched gender roles that view caregiving as a woman’s natural duty and career-building as a man’s. When society reinforces this narrative, it strips both partners of the opportunity to choose roles based on personal strengths, preferences, or practical realities.”
Psychologically, she mentions that it positions motherhood as an obligation rather than a choice, which can lead to “internalised guilt or resentment in women who wish to pursue professional goals.” It also places undue pressure on men to be sole providers, potentially cutting them off from emotionally rewarding aspects of parenthood.
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How can couples today rethink and redefine parenting responsibilities in a more balanced and equitable way?
“The first step is to remove the idea that caregiving has a default gender. Parenting needs to be viewed as a skill set, not a role based on gender. Couples should actively discuss their expectations, values, and support systems even before the child arrives,” notes Parashar.
In dual-income households, transparency and planning are key. This means dividing responsibilities not just based on availability but also taking into account each partner’s emotional bandwidth, career stages, and long-term goals. Most importantly, couples must give each other permission to be vulnerable, tired, or imperfect. Co-parenting is about mutual respect and emotional presence from both sides, concludes the expert.
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